Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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