Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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