thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
please don't ironically join a cult
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