oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW IβM MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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