based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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