Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this boner is exhausting
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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