I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
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MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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