You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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