i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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