why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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