today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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