he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
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Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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