She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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