just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize