I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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