Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize