On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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