even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this boner is exhausting
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize