Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
its liver damage thursday
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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