Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize