I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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