so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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