You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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