When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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