I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
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Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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