How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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