Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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