Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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