she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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