Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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