he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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