she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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