Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize