Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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