I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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