Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize