Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize