also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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