Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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