there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't notice because vodka
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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