tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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