I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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