remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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