happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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