its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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