I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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