I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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