I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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