Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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