Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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